The time, dear readers, has come. I'm not referring to my re-entry into the US, but rather an attempt to recap what has transpired in my life since I last found myself in lady liberty's red, white, and blue embrace.
I had intended on making this, as most years in review are, a summary of a dozen months, but unforeseen typhoons coups bouts with dengue vacations prevented me from getting to work on it. It has, therefore, morphed into a baker's dozen - thirteen months, which, contrary to what the number 13 may suggest, have ended up being rather lucky... and pretty damn sweet.
Below I offer you my year in review Harper's-style: by the numbers.
Days outside of the US: 422
Countries visited: 4 
Countries worked in: 3
Days in India: 269
Days in Thailand: 9
Days in Vietnam: 119
Days in China: 25
Longest plane ride: 16 hours (Newark to New Delhi)
Longest bus ride: 14 hours (Hue to Hanoi)
Longest train ride: 27 hours (Ranchi to Jabalpur)
Longest train ride with diarrhea: 22 hours (Delhi to Jaisalmer)
Trips to the toilet on that train: >20
Percentage of time I spent awake (lying on my stomach) wishing I hadn't chosen the top bunk: 75%
Scripts I learned to read: 2 (Vietnamese, Hindi)
Scripts I learned to read of which I actually understand what I'm saying: 0
Languages I have tried to speak: 8 (Bengali, Chinese, English, French, Hindi, Spanish, Thai, Vietnamese)
Languages that I have spoken without being laughed at: 1 (Spanish)
Nationalities of people laughing at my English: 1 (Australian)
Days spent in a hospital: ~175
Days spent in a hospital as a patient: 0
Hot showers: 0
New French friends: 6
New American friends: 1.5 (yes, Bram, you're the 0.5)
Items stolen from me: 2 (pair of sneakers while sleeping on a train)
Most mosquitoes killed in one night: 34
Time at which those mosquitoes were killed: 2am
Days that I spent the whole day in bed feeling utterly wretched: 1
Number of samosas eaten prior to spending that day in bed feeling utterly wretched: 5
Number of days following that wretched day in bed that I boycotted samosas: 4
Most samosas eaten in one sitting: 6
Bananas eaten in the year prior to my arrival in Asia: 0
Bananas eaten since: 100s
Most consecutive days that I ate rice: ∞
Most consecutive meals that included noodles: ~10
Most consecutive days dancing until after 5am: 5
Most consecutive days eating noodles after dancing until 5am: 5
Place attained in a five-man chili eating contest: 1
Days following the chili contest that I experienced extreme quantities of rectal displeasure: 2
Odd things eaten (by US standards): 10 (chicken livers, gizzards, and hearts; cow stomach; crickets; snails; fish heads; baby bunting; dried squid; duck embryos; porcupine; cobra)
Sick days following the consumption of the aforementioned rarities: 0
Times eating Western food: 5
Sick days following the consumption of the aforementioned Western non-rarities: 2
Times hit by a vehicle: 3 (motorcycle, bike, car)
Drivers of such vehicles that acknowledged that they hit me: 0
Injuries sustained in vehicle accidents: 0
Injuries sustained while playing cards: 1
Injuries sustained while dancing: 2
Most rats seen at a single time: >200 (Kolkata)
Times seen dogs and cows fighting over garbage: >5
Times seen dogs and humans fighting over garbage: >10
Times seen cows and humans fighting over garbage: 0
Times stepping in dog shit: 0
Times stepping in cow shit: >10
Number of many-armed gods seen thrown into a river: 2
Placentas seen prior to August 2006: 0
Placentas seen since: 100s
Percentage of Vietnamese women that wear full arm gloves and face masks around town: ~20%
Time it took for me to understand that Vietnamese women don such attire not to stay clean but to stay white: 10 days
Percentage of Chinese women that carry umbrellas around town: ~35%
Time it took for me to understand that Chinese women carry umbrellas not to stay dry but to stay white: 10 minutes
Times that the temperature exceeded 100ºF/38ºC: ever been to India in April or Vietnam in June?
Scubadives: 4
Times lost underwater by divemaster: 2
Length of time spent in the dive shop pestering the staff for a refund: 2 hours
Amount of money recovered: $0
Number of pamphlets stolen from the dive shop by my dive companion: 20
Most expensive haircut: 75 cents
Disparaging remarks made to me, an American, by Vietnamese about the Vietnam war: 0
Disparaging remarks made by Vietnamese about the Iraq war: >10
Length of intended original stay: 5 months
Projected stay: 17 months
Person I miss most: you
Since you managed to make it through this list, here is your prize: a beautiful rendition of a Beatles classic.
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